No, Evangelicals, This will Not Happen: An Open Letter to Trump's Most Rabid Supporters

Dear Rabid Trump Supporters (75% white Evangelicals):

Yes, the image of Donald Trump as the Baby Jesus is incredibly blasphemous, but, then again, so are you. 

Making Trump The “Chosen One” is the next step to deifying a man who has lied consistently and made bullsh*t his raison de etre. 

With Mueller’s team closing in and the media exposing his lies (“I’m a self-made billionaire”, “I have no ties to Russia”, “There was no collusion”). With Trump childishly shutting down government for a Border Wall the majority of Americans do not care about. With Trump’s playing the Christian Right for a fool (“Nobody reads the Bible more than I do”). With these and any crimes he has committed,  the only line of defense for you, to twist yourselves into knots over,  may  be to make him the Second Son of God. 

“The Chosen One” has worn thin, unless in choosing Trump, God’s as bad at vetting as the Republican Party. 

Please, This year’s-long betrayal of Christianity, this insult to God’s integrity must stop. 

And it will stop. As this Presidential Aberration continues to be revealed as a semi-literate grifter mouthing words you want to hear, you will be laughed at and scorned for not seeing the man as he really is/was for over 2 years. And, as Mark Twain said, “Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.” 

In his wake, You may not get the “Seven Mountains” chance to overtake the government (unless, of course, Mike Pence openly does your bidding which the House of Representatives may have something to say about). 

You may not succeed in abolishing gay rights or abortion, even with “beer-bro” Kavanaugh on the Bench because fallout from Trump’s antics have given pause to the tattered GOP. It may listen to your ministers on a local level, but on a broader and more reasonable scale, the support for your agenda will be weakened. 

You may see other countries respecting us again for ousting a man who was laughed at by the U.N., and managed to offend our allies (do we have any left?). You may even see the world breath a sigh of relief that some form of sanity and development dignity will be restored to the U.S. 

You may even see people who are willing to strive for “Peace in Earth” without depending on the mercurial whims of a narcissistic fool. 

Of course you will again be like a wounded tiger as you were during the Obama Administration, but how many wounds can a tiger take before it succumbs to death? 

The only Christmas Miracle we can hope for at this point is that you come to your senses and realize that in supporting Trump, you sold your Christian soul in return for your agenda: a Christian Only nation, abortion-less , gay-less and blessed by God in its isolation, with only missionaries venturing out to save the rest of the Godless world. 

This miracle is a fantasy, to be sure, more impossible than not. So we can only ask of you on Christmas Day, when you are sitting in your pews and praying for Donald Trump, to PLEASE pause and ask yourself if you’re praying for a man Christianity wants or if you’re praying for the man himself. 

While commemorating the Birth of Christ should you be honoring such a man with your prayers? 

Such a pause is not too much to ask, is it? 

Look at it this way: excluding Trump from your prayers may be the first step in saving you Christian soul. 

Just a thought. 

Merry Christmas. 

PS: I do not normally take so strident and politically motivated a stance on Christmas, but rest assured that I do hope for “Peace On Earth Good Will Towards Men” for everyone.

The Next Deadly Pandemic: Rheumatoid Trumpitis

Major Symptom:

RHEUMATOID TRUMPITIS  causes a chronic pain in the ass while simultaneously making the afflicted person a pain in the ass. 

Forget AIDS! Forget Ebola! Forget the Black Plague! The worst pandemic to hit mankind is the deadly ...

RHEUMATOID TRUMPITIS

Never in the history of the world has there been such a devastating disease! And of all the world's plagues, this one is most assuredly brought on by man himself and not by God - Pat Robertson said so. 

Causes: nature or nurture?

It would s difficult cult to determine whether or not RT is hereditary or developed. We do know that it can be transmitted once it develops to a certain stage. Signs of the dreaded disease have occurred in infants (having a predeliction for reflective, shiny objects, usually gold plated).

Whatever the cause, RT is considered incurable, according to Dr OZ - and who is always right (unfortunately, a primary symptom of the disease) and may slowly but surely take over the world.

And while the cause of this particular condition is not known, what is evident is that it is spread by sheer force of obnoxious ego.

Missionaries have been sent to various third world countries, blaming the pandemic on Hillary Rodham Clinton and, of course, the gays. They tell the people that merely watching the two on television, in political speeches and performing in musicals such as Oklahoma!, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, and South Pacific can trigger the condition.* Africa has been put on alert, allowing no one into its countries sporting rainbow-patterned shirts and foreigners whose initials are HRC. 

The afflicted suffer from:

Symptom #2: The affinity to draw crowds of people who have paintings of clowns on black velvet in their trailer's loving room.

#3: Poor spelling and grammar - even in Spanish

#4: The belief that Donald Trump is not Elmer Gantry but a true savior. 

#5: a tendency to confuse Donald trump with David Duke. 

#6: Dining on tacos everyday while espousing affinity of Hispanics

#7: Keeping 1000 SP 18KT Gold Premium Metalic spray paint on hand - for that decorator urge, just in case.

#8: Asking for passports of everyone approaching them within a 125' radius. 

#9: Referring to all daughters as having a "rack"
#10: Having actually subscribed to Sarah Palin's Channel - after it went defunct.
#11: Ending all arguments with "LOSER!"
#12: Believing that Donald Trump will obliterate left-wing Christian persecution (as if it actually existed)
#13: Swirling ten hairs atop their head for that cotton candy look (better done when bald). 

#14: Unrelenting narcissism causing motor accidents (looking only into rear view mirrors) 

#15: Claiming to have the worlds greatest memory (unless making a deposition in a lawsuit )

#16: Refusing to divulge your financial status while telling people you're obscenely rich. 

#17: Supporting small businesses by not paying for their services. 

#18: Having the I.Q. equivalent to that of a dead battery.

The animosity created by the disease will definitely result in wars, with everyone thinking that they are the center of the universe and should be listened to. The cacophony of bloviating alone will cause deafness. And while production of mirrors will be at an all time high, the supply will not meet the demand - violence and looting will erupt. Shards of broken mirrors will henceforth be kept in elaborate reliquaries. 

Although there is no known cure, the preventative - or PreP - exists, but it is severe:

Tuning out all media until after November 8, 2016.

Good Luck.

*The same goes for every SNL sketch ever written as well as every Stephen Colbert appearance.

Trump As The Golden Calf: How Many Angry, Old, White And Classless Rubes Are There?

UPDATE: Trump's base has now been solidified: the latest endorsement is from ...

The National Enquirer. 

Figures.

“I understand and respect the people who did vote for him. I know many of them. They are not racists or crazies or stupid. While many people call The Donald a fraud or a con-man, there are a lot of voters out there who think they have been conned election after election.” - Carly Fiorina, CPAC - Mar.4)

Ahem, tell that to the rest of the country, Carly. Part of the country that voted George W. Bush into office TWICE, is now making the rest of America dumbfounded with its support of Trump. Trump has now become an obnoxious golden calf: some people's desperate attempt to create a new authority, a new idol because they can't understand America itself and stand stewing in their isolation and (frankly) their stupidity.

It's Follow THE MOUTH, not Follow the Leader. 

Max Ehrenfreund of the Washington Post ...

"... spoke to a number of psychologists and came up with three key sources of Mr Trump's appeal. "We like people who talk big," he writes. "We like people who tell us that our problems are simple and easy to solve, even when they aren't. And we don't like people who don't look like us."

In other words, they'll take loudmouthed white con man "telling it like it is," but don't particularly know (or care) what "it" is. 

Trump Supporters: 

"I have faith that he will learn and develop the policies that will make America the superpower that we want it to be." 

"You get what he really believes in, even if everything that he says isn't what is the right thing exactly."

Unfortunately, Trump is not registering for a class in U.S. Presidency 101 and believes in nothing but himself. The loud Mouth, with all of its insults, crudities, contradictions and outright lies is LOUD. To his supporters, that's what counts. 
Trump Demographics  

The following poll numbers are culled from MSNBC, Real Clear Politics, YouGov, and (Public Policy Polling which is why some categories do not total 100. 

GENDER Male  - 58%
female - 42 %

AGE

Under - 30 2%
30-44 - 14%
45-64  - 50%
65+ - 34%

RACE 

white - 91%


INCOME

Under 50k - 33%

Under 100k - 72%
Over 100k - 28%
Over 100k - 11 %

EDUCATION 

High school degree or less - 43%
College or Postgraduate Degree - 19%

IDEOLOGY

Conservative - 65%
Liberal or Moderate - 20%
Very Conservative  - 13%
Involved with Tea Party  - 32%
In Favor Trump's Ban on Muslims  - 82%
Believe President Obama is a Muslim - 66%
Think Obama Was Not Born in the US - 61%
In Favor of Bombing Agrabah  - 41%
Poor Agrabah. It's the fictional country of Disneys Aladdin. What's next? Annihilating Neverland?

While the polls don't give a clear "typical" Trump supporter, they do look predominantly like uneducated slobs (Demographics #1), angry old white men (Demographics #2) or just plain white trash (Demographics #3). Oh, then there's the evangelical group (Demographics #4)

The Way Things Are

It isn't that Trump's supporters don't have a grip on reality, it's just that they only have a grip on their own reality. The Mouth gives them what they want to hear in the most simplistic terms, keeps them isolated from what's happening in the rest of the country and that's just fine with them. So what if The Mouth has no diplomatic skills? So what if The Mouth has no experience in lawmaking whatsoever? So what if The Mouth might gild everything in the White House and put slot machines in the East Room? Who cares about all that? He's "telling it like it is." 

The reality is that they don't have a clue as to what "it" is. "It" involves experience - the biggest thing lacking in Trump. What if the board of directors of a company were so distrusting of executives, they would not hire an executive to run the company? Trump himself would never hire someone inexperienced (unless, of course, it was for Trump University). 

Another reality, Trump supporters: he has offended so many Americans, so many lawmakers, has gotten such bad publicity (e.g. Trump University class action law suit), that the delegates won in the primaries might change their minds at the last minute. Remember: after the first vote on the floor of the convention, delegates are free to vote for whomever they choose. The RNC could look like Trump- inspired circus clowns after the first contentious vote, hundreds of people shouting at each other, unfettered by their pledges to back Trump. 

Cowboy Diplomacy

Another point the polls make is that Trump supporters care not for any kind of diplomacy on the part of the President. George W. Bush's Cowboy Diplomacy ("Shoot first, ask questions later') has been embedded in their minds since 9/11. That's certainly a hit with the NRA, but with many other countries.

God Is On His Side

So as the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and radio and TV hosts like Rush Limbaugh, Greta Van Susteren, Bill O’Reilly, Megyn Kelly, and Sean Hannity ask why evangelicals support Trump – the answer can be found in that poll we did three decades ago. Trump is the “liberator” and “defender” they believe really will “Make America Great Again!”

Another unreasonable position for Trump supporters comes from the evangelicals: he is not the golden calf, but the Messiah, come to rescue them from the enemies of religious freedom. 

That's just what America needs: a crude, egotistical, loud-mouthed Messiah.