The Next Deadly Pandemic: Rheumatoid Trumpitis

Major Symptom:

RHEUMATOID TRUMPITIS  causes a chronic pain in the ass while simultaneously making the afflicted person a pain in the ass. 

Forget AIDS! Forget Ebola! Forget the Black Plague! The worst pandemic to hit mankind is the deadly ...

RHEUMATOID TRUMPITIS

Never in the history of the world has there been such a devastating disease! And of all the world's plagues, this one is most assuredly brought on by man himself and not by God - Pat Robertson said so. 

Causes: nature or nurture?

It would s difficult cult to determine whether or not RT is hereditary or developed. We do know that it can be transmitted once it develops to a certain stage. Signs of the dreaded disease have occurred in infants (having a predeliction for reflective, shiny objects, usually gold plated).

Whatever the cause, RT is considered incurable, according to Dr OZ - and who is always right (unfortunately, a primary symptom of the disease) and may slowly but surely take over the world.

And while the cause of this particular condition is not known, what is evident is that it is spread by sheer force of obnoxious ego.

Missionaries have been sent to various third world countries, blaming the pandemic on Hillary Rodham Clinton and, of course, the gays. They tell the people that merely watching the two on television, in political speeches and performing in musicals such as Oklahoma!, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, and South Pacific can trigger the condition.* Africa has been put on alert, allowing no one into its countries sporting rainbow-patterned shirts and foreigners whose initials are HRC. 

The afflicted suffer from:

Symptom #2: The affinity to draw crowds of people who have paintings of clowns on black velvet in their trailer's loving room.

#3: Poor spelling and grammar - even in Spanish

#4: The belief that Donald Trump is not Elmer Gantry but a true savior. 

#5: a tendency to confuse Donald trump with David Duke. 

#6: Dining on tacos everyday while espousing affinity of Hispanics

#7: Keeping 1000 SP 18KT Gold Premium Metalic spray paint on hand - for that decorator urge, just in case.

#8: Asking for passports of everyone approaching them within a 125' radius. 

#9: Referring to all daughters as having a "rack"
#10: Having actually subscribed to Sarah Palin's Channel - after it went defunct.
#11: Ending all arguments with "LOSER!"
#12: Believing that Donald Trump will obliterate left-wing Christian persecution (as if it actually existed)
#13: Swirling ten hairs atop their head for that cotton candy look (better done when bald). 

#14: Unrelenting narcissism causing motor accidents (looking only into rear view mirrors) 

#15: Claiming to have the worlds greatest memory (unless making a deposition in a lawsuit )

#16: Refusing to divulge your financial status while telling people you're obscenely rich. 

#17: Supporting small businesses by not paying for their services. 

#18: Having the I.Q. equivalent to that of a dead battery.

The animosity created by the disease will definitely result in wars, with everyone thinking that they are the center of the universe and should be listened to. The cacophony of bloviating alone will cause deafness. And while production of mirrors will be at an all time high, the supply will not meet the demand - violence and looting will erupt. Shards of broken mirrors will henceforth be kept in elaborate reliquaries. 

Although there is no known cure, the preventative - or PreP - exists, but it is severe:

Tuning out all media until after November 8, 2016.

Good Luck.

*The same goes for every SNL sketch ever written as well as every Stephen Colbert appearance.

No Class. No Compassion. No Brains. The "Take Us Seriously" Circus Mocks America and God

What a waste of the public's time. So when will they let us get down to serious business?

Probably never.

I've often said that while you can take away any of America's rights, you cannot take away its right to be entertained. Politicians know that. And that's why politicians - the intelligent ones - make a point of being entertaining. The unintelligent ones don't have to work at it: they're naturals.

But there comes a point when the entertainment becomes mockery. It might seem to be a form of self-parody, but really, it's not. It's just...

MOCKERY

Huffington Post (Geoffrey Dunn) nailed it:

Donald Trump is many things -- a demagogue and a pompous blowhard, a braggart and a race baiter -- but in the end, he's nobody's fool, except perhaps his own. Thus, his recent lauding of Sarah Palin and his hiring of her former Chief of Staff reveal that Trump's campaign for the presidency is, ultimately, more of a circus act than it is a serious endeavor for the White House. If Trump were really serious, he'd be keeping the quitter governor at bay.

Sarah Palin has responded to Trump's flattery with flattery of her own: 

Palin penned an op-ed Friday for the conservative Breitbart news site, slamming Trump's critics and writing that "The elites are shocked by Trump's dominance, but everyday Americans aren't."

"Trump diagnoses our problems as incompetent leadership. Who can argue with that? How many politicians promised to secure our borders? So, why aren't they secured?" Palin wrote.

Now Ann Coulter, the queen of mockery and derision, has jumped on the Trump train:

Coulter (at Eagle Forum’s Collegian Summit:

I would like to be the head of Donald Trump’s Homeland Security,” Coulter said, adding, “I’ll get it all done before breakfast” because she “could kind of guess who the criminals are going to be at least 50 percent of the time.”

And, of course, on immigration:

“We’re assimilating you, you’re here and you’re going to be an American. There will be no celebration of Cinco de Mayo, there will be no Ramadan, in fact there won’t even be a Feast of the Immaculate Conception – we are an Anglo-Protestant country, and you will learn about the Battle of Valley Forge.”

In her typical, backhanded way, Coulter got a dig into previous generations of immigrants, saying they were more suitable because: “people proved their heartiness [sic] to get here by vomiting all the way across the Atlantic Ocean.”

In other words, she managed to mock my grandmother who came across the Atlantic from (the old) Bohemia on the Kaiser Wilhelm Der Grosse.* 

She sidestepped the sentiment of the Statue of Liberty's "Give me your tired, your poor ..." Desperation to survive fueled these immigrants just as much as today's, but Coulter wants you to know that GOOD immigrants come here to enthusiastically remake themselves in Coulter's image (!?!). 

The Mockery Of The 4Rs

By relegating "everyday Americans" to the rednecks, rubes and the religious right (the 4Rs), Palin, Trump and Coulter are mocking America in a way that shows their disingenuousness. The 4 Rs care nothing for other mindsets, religions or cultures in the way that America was meant to. In fact, the three are so horribly contentious when it comes to foreign relations (and cultures) that they mockingly glorify the "ugly American" with his crude attitude and imperiousness. The "voice" that they give to "America's dissatisfied and disenfranchised" is merely a show of contempt for everything and everyone not "true blue" American (read: WASP).

Trump in particular plays upon the gullibility of the 4Rs with his dazzling display of ostentation, and America looks the more foolish for allowing his ostentation to become a selling point in his bid for the Presidency. He's playing the billionaire counterpart of Lonesome Rhodes, with loud snippets of rage mixed with matter-of-fact "wisdom" and "honesty" - a facade that paints middle America as a country devoid of sophistication (such as his). 

It's a publicity ploy that has worked in the past, and Trump may be laughing that America has little memory of Lonesome Rhodes-like manipulators. 

Trump and God

The circus trio flies in the face of God's tenets of Faith, Hope and Charity.

 I think religion is a wonderful thing. I think my religion is a wonderful religion. 

That seems to sum up Trump's faith: no specifics, no hard stances (he's waffled on abortion), no profundities. He goes to church "when he can" (evidently God knows he's busier than God).
Trump, The Philanthropist is also a joke: his contributions to charity are so convoluted that it seems the money goes back to Trump himself. The charities he supposedly donates to, by the way, are not very faith-based, giving the lie to his support of religion. The Christian Right conveniently overlooks his Scrooge attitude because it sees in Trump a wedge for "social conservative" issues like same-sex marriage. 

And, just like prosperity gospel preachers, Trump's lifestyle promotes greed on the basest level.

Coulter's Christianity

Ann Coulter, the uber-Christian (in her eyes) mocks God through her righteous arrogance. Her eschatology:

She then mocked "the message of Jesus...according to liberals", summarizing it as "something along the lines of 'be nice to people,'" which, in turn, she said "is, in fact, one of the incidental tenets of Christianity". 

Incidental enough for Coulter to mock people, make them miserable, and still go to heaven apparently. 

Her attitude towards evangelism is one of bludgeoning non-believers (especially Jews - she calls it "perfecting" them) into conversion and if gunpoint is needed, so be it. Coulter's religion is one of the Queen Isabella/Thomas de Torquemada kind: believe what I believe or be tortured or kicked out of "Ann Coulter's America."

The Clueless Christian Opportunist

As with everything she attempts, Sarah Palin doesn't know that her actions are mocking anyone or anything: her "Christmas" book (along with her upcoming book of "meditations") only serves as a reminder that Sarah Palin is a struggling opportunist of the Tea Party variety, grabbing at snippets of the spotlight with religion as a prop.

The woman who was "blessed" publicly by a visiting witch hunter never seems to know just how her very mention of religion is an affront to reasoning people ... and God. Her devotion to God is just as shallow as Trump's and Coulter's - she just doesn't know it.

Is It A Race Or A Cartoon?

The run for President has always been entertaining: it is an intense debate of issues, a series of political attacks, a scrutiny of personal lives all rolled into one enormous (and overly long) stream of consciousness presented to voters. It strives for some sort of decorum but rarely achieves it. But through it all, the voters hope that the candidates are at least somewhat sincere. 

Let's face it - the Trump circus train is anything but sincere: with people like Palin and Coulter pandering to a publicity-starved billionaire, sincerity becomes a non-issue, sidestepped by shallow bombast. These three know for a fact that they will never make a significant dent in the scheme of the race. The talk of a third-party syphoning enough votes to skew the election has been rendered moot during the years. These three are poking, prodding the electorate for fun.

Not nice, but then look at them:

Trump. Palin. Coulter. The future of America. You could laugh yourself sick with the very idea of them together trying to cure America's ills. But they do get attention, so I guess the laugh's on us. They are sincere ... in their
 

* In 1911, this was the largest immigrant ship afloat. My grandmother never talked about the horrors of Ellis Island, the "heartiness" inflicted on immigrants which would make Coulter proud. She came here to get married - at the age of 15 - to someone she didn't know. She signed the ship's manifest "Mrs. Frank Vojir" (illegally). In her own way, however, she eventually got back at the misogyny that prompted her crossing:

"He said I was only good for cooking and cleaning and taking care of young Frank. He had woman on the side. Then when I got what you call, ah, tuberculosis, he sent me and Frank to go live back on the farm in Plzen. He gave me tree tousant dollars to live for three years without to work. He did not know that I knew how to play - how you say - black market. Woman who was only good for cooking and cleaning came back with tirty-five hundred dollars. Then I divorce him."

(taken from the play, The Two Mrs. M's, by Dan Vojir)